Southern Legend of the Month: Police Sergeant Tod Hollebon

You often come across delightful stories of everyday Southerners doing great, if not hard case things. The news story from Te Anau about Police Sergeant Tod Hollebon who nabbed some smelly Spaniards who had crapped in one of our National Park areas. This story has been reported all around the world and is reported here in Australia. (Link here) . I tried to find a picture of the man because he is the type of bloke you'd like to put a face to! I did find he transfered from Stewart Island to Te Anau a few years ago on promotion so he will have a huge dose of Southern common sense.  Stewart Island News (link here: Page 5).

As the senior Police Officer in the area he gets quoted a lot in news articles as he comes across accidents, rescues, search and rescues and now he is on the front line of defecating tourists. I read with a knot in my gets a few months ago about this huge plague of narding tourists. They free camp in our lovely South Island and assume the package also includes the green light to dump where ever they see fit.

Enter Sergeant Tod Hollebon who is probably forever dealing with muppet tourists. Ranging from those who skip off on walks into the Alps without warm clothes sparking full scale searches, to those who feel the Police are the first point of contact to ask directions and enter into long tie wasting conversations. Now this is all speculation on my behalf but I would venture that finally nailing a group of these "Foreign Nard Bombers" would have been a gift to the man. Bingo!

The option of cleaning up what they and others have contributed to our nation is pure "win-win" magic. You avoid a conviction and your holiday from being trashed by a court appearance, I keep our courts clear for the bigger fish that need frying and we get this shit cleaned up! This is pure gold and I'm not the only one who agrees given the overseas media coverage.

Call me old fashioned but it is not actually on to visit another country and crap where ever you feel like it. Like most Kiwi's I have backpacked all over Europe and don't recall just downloading in public places, on roads or in National parks. They just expect you to use the toilets provided and to pay as you do so.

Good on you Sergeant Hollebon. You get my vote for Southerner of the Month.

Now about those "pay to use toilets"..........

Been Overseas Lately?.......Jamming It in Auckland

Most Months my work takes me to Auckland. I mean for most Southerners it is like an overseas trip isn't it? Every time I get back home I lament just how lucky we are to have traffic that moves and plenty of space. Driving the worlds smallest Avis rental car (some sort of Toyota insult!) Auckland to Hamilton anytime mid afternoon is just madness as you approach the central city. Inching forward and no margin of error should you find yourself in the wrong lane which does seem to occur! But try to get from the central city to the airport at 3pm on a Labour weekend (public holiday) to catch a flight. It is a complete zoo. I mean the motorway is a carpark!

I know I was carving it fine cutting away from a meeting at 3pm for a 4.45pm flight but to find the rental car battery flat was just the opening salvo of the challenge ahead. Enter a wee bloke from Sky City car parking (saviour) with a battery jump start kit! Of course it took time to sign the 3 page disclaimer to say if he blew the guts out of the battery he was in no way to be in the gun. I had to translate to him why I was in a hurry, which whilst it sped him up a bit, did not instill the sense of urgency I knew was required as each valuable minute ticked by.

 I could hear the motorway clogging (like a vegetarians artery) and grinding to a standstill. I then tore out of the park and drove an inch at a time down the southern motorway and through Newmarket. Hot day, time poor, manual rental car, pricks who just cut in front of you. Chaos......I mean we have had some 5 minute delays around Christchurch with this earthquake closing lanes (as buildings collapse on the road.....the norm in Christchurch now days) but you just forget how the majority of our population have to slum it in Auckland. Whole lifetimes worked around traffic peak times!

Despite being late for the check in cut off, I was thankful of the "Jetstar factor" and true to form I found I had 30 or so minutes up my sleeve. It was the computer system this time (thats new). Completely down just as peak Labour Holiday passengers showed for their flights. No staff member had time to announce WTF was going on as 500 people tried to guess what was to happen. Whenever I'm booked on Jetstar I bank on having about an extra hour up my sleeve and to their credit they have always been reliable.

The $10 I paid for a Speights and snack on the flight south was inhaled as I unwound ready for the long weekend. Sadly one which saw Canterbury lose to Waikato rugby!

On a positive note there were no quakes up north.

Its good to be back down south!

The World is a Zoo: Time to Drive fast down shingle roads!

It has been a weird couple of weeks really. We have had the earthquake and and the ongoing fascination in the media with "what's happening next in the Canterbury war zone?" being the focus, there has been a sort of lame local body election. It just came and went and there were no surprises here in the south.

Then in amongst it we have had the strange Commonwealth Games in India with all sorts of drama and accusations. I mean it has gone pretty well, especially given all the bleating before hand. Nobody blew up or was shot and besides the blistering heat knocking a few of the champs about, it has gone without a hitch. The New Zealand team was not laid out with a fast sweeping bout of cholera or anything as dramatic as predicted!

Then we have had Paul Henry not only piss off most New Zealanders but all of India as well. Hmm thats about one third of the worlds population.....not bad going Paul!! I miss Paul Henry already. His initial barrage about our Governor General was very borderline but then the name comments about one of India's senior cabinet ministers left TVNZ with no option but to free up his future. A mix of dumbass and bad timing. It will ironically more than likely increase his income as he reinvents himself, changing from "arrogant edgy presenter/shock jock/twat" to "arrogant gobshite commentator/critic/ twat".

Add Member of Parliament Chris Carter and his somewhat amateur little sideshow (I mean WTF?) into the mix along with a lazy old GST rise (as a national boot in the wallet), the earthquake, the ongoing boring recession and 60 odd miners trapped underground and it has been a complete zoo out there.

To be honest it has been hard work just watching and sniping from the sideline! There is nothing for it but to kick back, fire the BBQ up and blow the froth off a few ales. It is after all cracking weather out there and it is the start of the BBQ and Harley riding season. Better still it is the time of year to roar down shingle roads with the windows down!

Let the world be a zoo on its own and thank god I live down south!

I'll have one for ya!

School Holiday Mania: The Quarterly Zoo Factor!

Seems to me school holidays are a mixed bag. On one hand kids back flip out of school announcing to all an sundry that they are on holiday and that they will not be completing chores for two weeks. In fact the school holidays seem to be the ticket to ignore parental instructions for the entire holiday period.

Parents initially are stoked to have the wee munchkins home before the reality of it all sinks in. In our household both of us work so the holidays (which seem to be long & come around every month or so) are a time of extra planning and organisation. We are lucky to have a good network of friends in similar situations so we work in to share the fun!

We are also very lucky to have my Mum who lives down south on a farm which offers 1100 acres of space that our wee girl can get stuck into. In the May holidays Caetana did not want to go to the farm. A five week stay over the summer holidays had seemingly "burnt her out". This concerned us because as an only child it is good to giver her a dose of "Granny" and all the wisdom, expectations and values that an older generation can add to the upbringing of a child.

It also makes my heart sing to be able to give Caetana all the experiences I had as a child growing up on a farm. Things like hard work moving and working with stock and daily chores like feeding dogs and chooks. This all comes with the fun of motor bikes, tractors, riding bikes, playing in sheds and using all the toys I had as a kid. Then there are lambs to bottle feed, calves, puppies, Great Uncles and Aunts to visit, the kids next door (who are the children of mates I grew up with doing all the same things). It is such an awesome experience for her that you could not buy. It is part of who she is!

So we were a bit concerned in May when there was a general mutiny and a refusal to stay away from us. It was a fear that was thankfully short lived. Three weeks out from the holidays I announced to Caetana that she was heading south for a week in the holidays. She had expressed a desire to learn to play tennis so the second week we had carefully arranged (and paid for) a week of tennis lessons at the local club which she could attend with other kids and her wee friend Sarah. Expecting an outcry she announced she was chuffed. In fact evidently she had been looking forward to staying at the farm for months?????!!!! W.T.F?

So south she went! Two minutes into it she announced she wanted to stay the whole two weeks and in fact has been very miffed that she now has tennis lessons to attend. Go figure? Where are the instruction manuals for kids? I know I never read them normally but if she had one I would!! Suffice to say she has had a great time.

Gotta love her........and my Mum for being a part of the whole zoo!